I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
