Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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