just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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