I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
