so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
