Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
North Korea, Best Korea!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
