During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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