So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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