Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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