Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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