I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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