That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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