well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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