Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
