You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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