I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize