Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
