capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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