Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
