All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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