Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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