I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
