we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
