I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
