She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
