it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
