Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
