Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
