he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
