i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
