cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
