"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
