Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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