Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
