Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
