In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
