finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
