Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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