Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
