The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Say something about gay babies.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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