I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
