Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
