hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
