glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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