the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
