Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize