I can text with my tongue
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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