dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
