PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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