I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
