and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
