Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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