so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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