Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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