apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
