So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
