enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
