She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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