Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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