If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
