Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
