i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
