Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
