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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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