fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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