just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
