i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
