I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
