I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
