I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
