Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
