White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
someone owes me an orgasm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
