i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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