ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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