He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
