let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
