the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
