im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
